To my ex best friend

It’s been almost five years since you cut the ties. I remember why– I lied to you about me being pregnant. At that time, I didn’t really thought I was lying to you; I thought that I was just taking my time to absorb what happened in me- I got pregnant outside of marriage, and the baby died while inside me long before I could accept the fact. But you found it anyway from other people, which is why I think you got mad at me.

When I knew that you knew, I was nervous and relieved. I was in a meeting, but my mind was thinking of ways of how to tell everything to you. I thought, “Finally…”

Then, you blogged. You blogged about me. You blogged about the entire situation. Far from what I expected, you appeared to be furious at what I did. I was like, “I thought she would understand…” That was when my mind shut down from thinking of ways of how to tell you. The relief turned to pain. The kind of pain I’ve never felt before.

Months after that, I tried reconnecting with you. Despite our distance, I sent some messages. You replied, but the gap was there. No smileys and comments could bridge the rift. Moreover, you kept on pushing me away. Once when we were in college I told you about how we should not run after the people that hurt us. I was wondering, were you doing what I told you but to me? Ouch.

 

But that was five years ago. This week, you replied on my Facebook status, and you appeared more on my timeline. I’d like to think that the pushing is over, and that mending is beginning. We’re no longer the same people that we were, but I hope and pray that new us would find a way to bring back something that we once had– friendship.

 

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